My mother is one of the most miserable humans on Earth, and has been for years. Whenever anyone has asked her "How are you doing?", for as far back in my memory as I can reach, I can never remember her saying "I'm fine". Now she's smoked herself to death. She has COPD, CHF, steroid-induced diabetes, a colostomy, osteoporosis, bone spurs in her neck, neuropathy in her limbs, brittle skin that tears at the drop of a hat...the list seems endless. She refuses to get out of bed to try to exercise to keep up any strength, and wants me to do more and more and more for her.
She's in the hospital right now because of a fall last week. She says her knees gave out.
I don't think it's so horrible that I just want this woman to finally have some peace, and yes, honestly, for the rest of us around her to have some as well. The discord and disharmony this narcissist spreads with her always ALWAYS negative attitude takes a toll. She will never change, and her health will only continue to go downhill.
I realize that I don't get to make the decision of when she goes, but I will admit that I do want her to. I think it's the only way she'll finally be "fine".
But which is worse. Her pushing me to the brink and screaming at her or her being treated like crap in a home.I love you momma. I walk the floor crying I love you momma I'm sorry momma. Yes I do believe that I've lost my mind
and she wants angels. ill pay for the angels its a charitable deduction for me. lets get this s**t done, amen..
great observation about the damage dementia causes to relationships. my mom had an episode 4 years ago that put her in al for a few months and she had the whole family going 8 different directions and pitting one against the other. thankfully at some point we all scratched our heads and figured out that this was far more than irrational thinking -- this was by definition " insanity " .
This topic popped up in my sidebar, even though I don't think there has been really any current discussion on it.
I have pasted the above link, gathered from a blog I have been following for years. The entire story gave me the shivers, and some of the comments were disturbing to say the least.
Right to die is probably a controversy that doesn't get discussed on a caregiver site. And thank- God it isn't something I have had to deal with.
I hope I never do. I know my mother is is pain, but nothing like this poor man describes.
If nothing else, this link might make you feel lucky, after you recover from the heartbreak of the situation. I know it did for me.
I do hope you succeed in getting help, because this is your life too - you should be enjoying some happy moments, not just living in state of constant bitterness.
Wow! those are the words I could not find... I knew I'd been grieving but couldn't put words to it...
Thx!
As far as it being wrong to wish someone would die, or as I believe, have a change of address, I don't think so. I knew and still know my husband now is in a wonderful place with our Lord Jesus. If I was unsure of that fact, it would be much different for me. Just know that when it is time for them to go, they will. In the mean time please try not to beat yourself up and feel guilty. God is not mad at you nor has He abandoned you. Just draw off His strength, and try to get some time for yourself. I made many many phone calls and accepted just about anybody's offer that I knew would be ok. And when you are there with him, grab every little positive nugget you can find. It might just be a smile or a laugh they show or do. What ever it might be, just hang on to those moments. You have to try to find those special moments. I really started reading my bible alot more. I don't know your faith, but if you've never picked one up before, now would be a great time to get to know Jesus. It will make a difference as you go through this time. I will be praying for you and know many more are doing the same i am sure. this is a wonderful site, and even though i don't jump in as much as i use to, it truly was a blessing while i was taking care of my darling husband before he got relocated. God Bless you johndublin
You are only human and doing far more than most people could or would. Modern medicine is wonderful if it keeps people alive when they are healthy, but sometimes it interferes with what would have been a peaceful natural death. In this case that may be what happened.
Please don't beat yourself up for your feelings. I don't know what your spiritual background is, but you really are allowed human feelings and that includes your feelings about your father. Guilt isn't necessary.
We are thinking of you,
Carol
I have experienced your emotions, anger, and depression at the parents as well as at God for allowing such misery. Frankly, I think it hurts you more when you go through this as an adult than if you do as a child because you are more aware of the plight.
I have already been with what many of you are going through with your parents. Mine have now been diseased since the 1970's. I was a child caregiver with no support whatsoever financially, physically, mentally emotionally. Surprisingly, I made some pretty awesome decisions in helping my parents at home when I was of school age from elementary to highschool. I dare say I was pretty resililent. Depression and anger didn't set in until they were gone. The memories if their herendous suffering hurt me more than the responsibility. But, eventually I did overcome that, too.
Yes, you will need psychological help afterwards as well as for now.
Thank you
Also, comfort yourself by thinking of all those people in parallel circumstances who instead of posting have emailed their lover/boss/best friend and hit "reply all" by mistake...
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol