I have been here before, and we are doing better, but I am feeling alone in alot of ways. He, my husband, hardly ever talks, doesn't touch me, comes to bed way after I fall asleep, etc. I go to work, come home and tend to daily things and then there pops up a day or incident that makes me blow up about feeling alone and doing it all. Yes, there are support groups, but they meet while I am at work. I cannot attend them. I do have a group, but how do you tend to your own self and not feel alone????? I get out, garden, tend to a dog, have friends, but at home-----?????
You are anything but selfish, msTish. You need to take care of yourself, and that may mean a nursing home for your mother-in-law.
And Fanci - your isolation is natural. Isolation is the hallmark of the caregiver. That is one reason online forums help - who has time to go out to a caregivers group? We've had many in my area fold, not because people aren't interested, but because they can't get away. Please keep coming back and talking. We can't change anything physically, but we can listen and understand.
Carol
For me it was best to tell him that while "we" are in this together that he is really at work and this caregiving thing is truly just "me" alone doing this. He gets it. I also ask him not to lecture or try to fix anything... that I need hugs and understanding from him.. a shoulder to lean on and to know that he is on my side and in my corner. He has really gotten good at it. He says little but ALWAYS listens and gives me hugs.
It really helps to see a psychologist. REALLY HELPS. The one I have seen off and on for the past 5 years or so actually has alot of experience in geriatrics and it is very helpful. There is no way to pull a good therapist out of the sky.. you just have to meet with them and get the right feeling and know they are the right one for you. I would highly recommend this. Most insurance plans have generous coverage and many counselors have sliding scales.
I have cried a million tears, had anxiety attacks, made myself sick and more.. there is no easy way. I think to myself.. Wow! I thought life would be so much easier when your children grow up and you are nearing retirement. However, I never thought about the situation I am in now. It's tough. It is a lonely road so seek comfort from a good friend, a counselor a group or online forums. It really does help. Also journaling helps you to vent those feelings. For a long time I felt guilty feeling the things I have felt. It took alot for me to join this forum and be writing in a public place but I have to protect myself.
Self care. Take care of you! The more you try to be good to you and allow yourself to know that your feelings are natural and normal the more you will accept it in yourself and things will get a bit easier. This will never be an easy road but I am proof positive that you have "heal yourself" alot. I am light years
ahead of where I was with this a year ago.
Chin up, put on your big girl panties. We are women! Hear us roar :) Hugs
One problem I have is that I have so much to do here, working and taking care of the things around the house. At the same time I have the need to get out and be with people. Often my own work goes ignored because I need to get out. I think of how much better it would be if I had my own family about to keep me company so I wouldn't have to go out looking for someone to talk to. I don't need a lot of people about, but living alone in this house of despair is more than I can bear every day.
People talk about how rewarding elder care is. I mainly see it as lonely and depressing. I wish things were different, but it is what it is. I just try to stay happy, no matter what I'm doing. Sometimes that works. Other times I just get angry that it has come down to this.
I am wondering if you are a caregiver to your husband or parent. I'm thinking you are talking about your husband? Sounds like counseling would be good. Does husband know how alone you feel? Can he or has he done anything to help? I know that even though my husband does try I still feel alone sometimes. That is just the way it is. I do get counseling. Sometimes I have my down days and it is hard. I take antidepressant med but a low dose. Will increase it in future. I have learned that the loniness is a part of me. Sadness, depression runs in my family. Plus I lost my son almost 3 years ago. I wish you luck and the best in finding your way to more hapiness and less lonliness.
Cindi
Cindi
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