My 90 year old father has been diagnosed with early to moderate dementia.
For the last 2 years he has treated me dreadfully; abusive, controlling, cruel, and selfish.
He had demonstrated some of these traits throughout his life from time to time, but nothing like he has been in the last 2 years.
About two weeks ago his temperament changed back to the loving dad I knew growing up.
He is now kind to me, not argumentative or nasty.
I pray this is the new Dad going forward, but I am worried that this kind nature will not last long and he will revert back to the monster he has been again.
Any advice or sharing of similar stories would be very much appreciated.
Thank you
As my MIL's vascular dementia advanced, her personality became much more pleasant than it had been her entire life. She even began introducing herself using her first name, all of her life she had been called by her middle name.
as you know very well, no one can guess the future about your dad:
"nice dad" can stay, or mean dad can come back.
normally, mean people who are suddenly "nice", are quite calculating. they want something from you. (even people with dementia can be calculating).
But on the other side of the coin, she started to be down right rude to anyone who came into the house to help her or my Dad. She would make snide remarks or glare at them. Before that she was always Emily Post type of person.
Flash forward and a year after a stroke and she had a seizure. On the sad side it affected her physically. On the surprise side it’s like a switch was flipped and now she’s really nice to me! Tells me she loves me most times we talk, says how comfy her bed is, says I’m a great daughter…I mean oh my god this was not expected at all! It’s a flipping miracle .
Some days she does revert back to her old usual ways of mother/daughter dynamic disfunction and that’s :P but FOR NOW, overall, she’s downright pleasant ! I sure wish I could keep this mode open.
There’s no way of controlling these brain switches, so I say hang onto these good moments and let them make good memories before anything changes - out of our hands - again.
Life sure is full of surprises
When she was suffering from dementia, she seemed to forget those coping behaviors, if that's what they were. She was a nice old gray-haired lady. She got along with the caregivers and others. Granted, she didn't know who she was or where she was anymore, but she was nice at last. It was as if her brain was no longer capable of being who she was before. In her case, it was a good thing.
Nobody can say how your dad's temperament will change, or IF it will even. Just enjoy the 'nice dad' while he's around, and pray that it stays that way for the rest of his life, Amen. :)