I have read so many entries suggesting that if you are having difficulties with caring for an elderly parent that it's time to consider a nursing home or assisted living. Sounds so easy but even on the power of attorney form it says it is only valid if 2 doctors declare her unable to make health care decisions. And as long as my mother can speak for herself and says she doesn't want to go to a nursing home then she doesn't have to. They will not admit someone against their will. So that leaves me stuck taking care of her. I love her but it's so demanding. She is 84 has fallen 3 times in last 6 months doesn't cook or clean. I can't just abandon her and let her die or fall. Why can't we just tell the nursing home that we can't do it anymore?
The thing is, your mother has every right to insist on remaining in her home. But she has no right at all, and no legal power, to force you to do the caregiving. So if you can't or you refuse to (easier said than done, I know), her remaining option is to buy in the services that she needs. Is that a possibility?
Not long after she fell trying to hide a protein shake on top of the wardrobe so staff wouldn't know she didn't drink it, broke her hip and from that point on she was in a wheelchair, unable to stand alone though, due to the dementia, she often tried to get out of bed, ended up on the floor and was taken to the ER.
There comes a time when skilled nursing care is needed 24/7. No one person can do it alone. In the nursing home my mother was clean, fed and safe and the staff were wonderful.
Sometimes we have to tell the people we love that we can't give them what they need, that it's beyond our capacity. It's not about how much or whether we love them, it's about self preservation. Have you had this conversation with your mother? What was her response ?
Many times our parents can be selfish and manipulative. They can also become so set in their ways that the idea of change is just unthinkable to them.
Your mother may be thinking that no sacrifice you could make could possibly equate to the hardship for her of having to go into a nursing home. Too any people give up relationships and jobs to care for elderly parents, then after their parents die they end up facing their own old age broke and alone.
Your mother will have to accept that her need for care cannot be allowed to take over your life. She either has to pay for help at home or go into a facility.
Are there Medicaid waiver programs in your state that she might be eligible for?
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