Getting even with siblings. What would you do?

Your distress is understandable.  I would hate to see you continue to be excluded and punished by them.

There may be better ways to deal with siblings that don't involve you taking revenge or getting even. Ask your therapist and your attorney.

The goal is to get through this difficult time for you, with your sanity intact. Imo.

dkentz, first off I sympathize with you. My sibling's lack of interest, however, extended to the money. My Mom did not have much to leave us and that was never an issue.

I worry that this may have consumed you if you have gone so far as to take video and bring it to your therapist. In the end, the financial stuff will go according to the laws in place so this goal to get even may be to your own detriment. Living a happy life is the best revenge. Why not make that your goal instead. If your siblings are the pieces of trash that you make them out to be they will get whats coming to them with or without your help. Karma you know..........

Why not instead concentrate on making your Mom's last days as fulfilling as you can. All this other stuff can wait. Good luck to you.

I understand your anger, really I do.

But if you understand probate, know the state laws and are being advised by an attorney- you must also know that as executor you are legally bound to act in accordance to your mothers will - completely- not just partially.

An executor does not have the power to change or tweak the will - and a probate judge will make sure of it.

After everything you’ve been through it would be a shame to make matters worse in the name of getting even.

It’s up to you. They’ve got it coming. But no whining from you if you ‘get even’ and then get the guilts.

I’m afraid that ultimately it’d be better to just go through the legal process (probate) after your mom passes away. You’ve got something to hold over your sister’s head forever. She committed fraud. Do with that what you will. You have won.

Thank you for the responses, I truly appreciate.

I think using the term "getting even" realky was not what I meant or should have used.

Yes, I can't fathom why siblings of the person in need, feel that they are entitled to something they did not work to obtain.

Case in point: Great-any multi-millionaire, no children, 8 or 9 half siblings, know idea how many nieces and nephews (only knew of my dad/his sister). Same with grand nieces/nephews. We, as grand nieces/nephew were not included in her Will. To me, no big deal, we lived in 1 State she another and we did not have the same type relationship our cousins did.

ALL of her living siblings except my Grandmother, her only sister, were like vulchars circling above her. They even made comments AT THE FUNERAL ABD CEMETERY as to why would she spend all that money for a casket and grave vault because no one would see it anyway. HER OWN BROTHERS DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT HER MIDDLE NAME WAS CHANGED AFTER SHE CONVERTED TO CATHOLICISM TO MARRY HER HUSBAND, TO THE SAINT SHE CHOSE AT HER BAPTISM!😂

Then they contested the Will because THEY FELT THEY DESERVED MORE MONEY FROM HER ESTATE.

I told them at the cemetery that I would have preferred she had written a check for all of her assets with a note in the casket telling ALL OF THEM that she WAS taking it with her. Geez Louise people.

That is exactly what my siblings are doing with Mom.

Yes, I am required to do as stated in her Will with the monies, BUT she also stated none receive a dime until I have taken care if everything that needs to be.

That I have full discretion as to the distribution all possessions. Any contestment will deprive them of what she has stated.

Should this one sibling convince Mom to sign over the car to her or any of her children/grandchildren; Estate attorney says that I can enforce the return if vehicles to the Estate OR have whoever buy the car from the Estate at the book value upon the time they took possession.

I never ever planned and promised Mom I would do as she wanted; she did however without truly realizing even though I kept asking her as I prepared the Codicil, that there is some leeway in some situations.

Yes, I will/would feel guilty and would need to speak with my therapist afterward, but with what they have done this far in attempt to get what they are not entitled as yet along with the treatment or lack of true concern for Mom; I will do what is required to do by Law, but I will also keep that door ajar in there areas that Mom has allowed me to make the decisions which will not be changing the Will itself, but will allow for judgement decisions.

They don't even realize that they do not have the right to decide ANYTHING when it comes to funeral plans...all of that falls to me and me only.

I have always been respectful even at the age of 64 to both parents and step-father (don't like, never have Dad's wife) while the others say what they want and how they want. Everyone practically has a heart attack and then tells me how inconsiderate should I do the same toward them.

So, I think it really comes down to a matter of they all think they're in the driver's seat and are in for a big surprise at the end. The one sibling that they all pushed aside, called drama queen, get over it, you want to be the one in charge of the world etc; this will be the time that show will be on the other foot for them as Mom did place me in charge and it's etched in stone too.

Tough love, rough justice with vengeance!

Be careful none of it back fires!

Take care of her and yourself first. Good luck

I am so sad to read this. It was very important to my in-laws that their family of five children, spouses and grandchildren stay close after their deaths. They owned a family business and the sibs and one son-in-law worked together for years. There were always little riffs but nothing really serious. Like you, there was one sib, the oldest son who made trouble. After my in-laws passed, the business went downhill. The sibs got older and nastier to each other. They unceremoniously fired my husband when he became disabled and began having issues handling his work. They humiliated him. After that, the business went downhill and had to close. The bankruptcy finished the family. Even though half of them have serious health issues, no one hears from anyone. At the last family gathering, hosted by my son who is still trying to hold the tattered remnants of the family together, the family that was there (my husband wasn’t, just me) none of them spoke with me or asked how my husband was.

There is no doubt in my mind that when my in-laws possessions were distributed, some got more than others. There are a pair of very expensive figurines that just “disappeared”.

It’s a very sad situation. It’s also annoying and frustrating, isn’t it? I’m an only child who always wished I’d had brothers and sisters. Not anymore. Hugs to you for having to go through this.

Ahmijoy, thank you for expressing your experiences. Funny, our daughter is an only child and she too always wanted a sibling. Not that we didn't want her to, but being a household dependant upon 2 incomes, didn't want that to become harder. We wanted to provide her with the best that was affordable.

Sure, we got the proverbial "but my friends....". But she also had the life examples of how to screw up your life in 6 easy steps...4 cousins, 2 Aunts. She was the 1st grandchild to finish college, march in the Rose Bowl Parade as she was a band member in the AZ State Univ marching band, is an RN, been to Europe, great career she loves and the money that affords her the life style she has.

She did have a very very bad relationship with a boyfriend we met (we lived out of State, she was still in AZ), but we didn't know what was going on. When we did....whoa Belly! That is an area she just avoids. Says if it happens it happens, if not oh well.

She is really great with checking up on Mom when she travels back home and provides all the details for me and with pictures to archive when I may need them.

She and I are so much alike and really, who wants to truly be told that they're just like their Mother?

She becomes enraged with the conditions of neglect by my sister. Mom has diabetes, doesn't wear slippers to protect her feet, could stub a toe, gangrene set in....

My sister claims to be 24/7 caregiver....what a joke but people believe her. Doesn't lift a finger to clean the house. Says she helps Mom go through the bills, yet I my visit last year, I found at least 1/2 doz 30 days or more past due. Sister does day trips on weekends with her 2 daughters and their kids. Calls from work to have Mom tell her what her sugar levels are and inject the insulin if needed; she refills the syringes before going to work.

Nixed my help to provide in house care because what I could afford didn't take this "burden" completely off her back.

I don't want for others to think I'm patting myself on the back or feel self righteous, but like your son, I have always been the one trying to keep the family I remember growing up with, including extended family together.

Having up to 30 family members all at Thanksgiving dinner that we would use picnic tables outside so we were all together. Christmas was the same.

I would have these holidays at our home so as to try to have that type of memory for our daughter. I always planned games everyone had to participate, white elephant bags if you answered the question before time was up or before another did. Then it would become the steal from another if you wanted what they won.

Now, our daughter moved to the State we live, close enough if she needs us in case of emergency, yet far enough she has her social life without interfering by Mom.

The sibling living with Mom for at least 13 yrs now (was only suppose to be 6 mos great free room and board) claims the caregiver part.
2nd sibling had a long required vacation provided by the taxpayers for about 2 yrs.
3rd sibling lives in another State and is able to go visit at any point because of benefit to fly free. Would go visit a few times a year, but now he doesn't want to get involved or listen to Mom's complaining.

I feel guilty because I always cared for Mom during her bouts with depression. Got the 3:00 AM calls when our Dad left her and she'd threaten suicide. She has slept on the sofa since 1985 when Dad left. I would, not wanting to, help her exact her revenge during that time even though we lived out of State. I'm the one she'd call about how the others mistreated her for whatever reason.

When we did move back in State for a number of years, I made up excuses to take her out for lunch or she/step-father to dinnerni.e. National Mom to _____ Day. I did the same for my older sibling because she didn't have the means to just enjoy a day and be pampered.

You just do not treat your parents, especially your Mother the way she is being treated. She took care of us when we were sick, needed a shoulder, taught us right from wrong and no matter what, we'll always be her babies. Then the time comes to reverse that role and I'm not there to do it or make sure it's being done.

Family values have most definitely disappeared.

The ironic thing with the brother; he has a 4 yr old granddaughter that he/wife have not been allowed to see (they have to make an appointment) in over 3 years. His son is a youth minister and lives less than an hour's drive from them. The other son...180 and he/wife/baby live 4+ hours away in a neighboring State!

That is what I would call Karma.

I think you should heed the advice of Gershun and focus on your moms happiness and wishes.
"Vengeance is mine I will repay, saith the Lord."
Let God deal with them.You are only exhausting yourself emotionally by focusing on teaching them a lesson. You are the one that will suffer from the consequences of your actions. If this is how they are, you wont be hurting them as much as you think.

I agree with smeshque, don’t let this negativity rule the day.
You can never know everything regarding how your siblings’ relationship with your mom was over the years.
All moms are not perfect.
I would just let the anger go.
Your mom lives with your sister who deserves to have her own life as well. I wouldn’t guilt her over going on “day trips”. It’s quite a burden on your sister too.
I had two brothers. One an angel the other a devil. For years before my mom died we fought about everything. My brother disowned his mother (our mom) as he stated my mom should have protected him from getting his butt whooped by my dad whenever my brother was caught skipping school or staying out all night.
My dad was a WW2 vet - in Europe for almost 4 yrs - and came home to a son that grew up bucking every show of authority, got kicked out of high school, etc.
I am certain he probably did get his butt whooped as he outwardly disobeyed an Army Second Lieutenant.  Was my dad wrong? Yes. Was my mom wrong in not protecting her teenage son from getting beat up? Yes, probably. My other brother chose to listen to my dad.
Point being, should my older brother not have his own opinion about my mom not protecting him way back when brother was 17? Or should my brother have sucked it up and realized he made bad choices that led to my dad getting aggressive?
I held this against my brother for years. Fought with him when my mom had a double bypass at 83, all the way until when she died in 2013.
My brother himself had an enlarged heart. He eventually needed a heart transplant. Me, being a nurse, agonized over this diagnosis. I knew eventually what would happen years down the road for my brother.
He chose to ignore me and would not allow any brother/sister relationship to continue.
Long story - here is the end- my older brother passed away one year after my mother from cardiomyopathy. He was too sick to be placed on a transplant list (waited too long to approach the transplant team).
I went to his funeral.
I mourn them both - mother and son. Was my brother overreacting? Did he truly feel our mom did him wrong? I can’t say.
Moral of the story...parents are not saints but try their best all the time (we hope) to be good parents. Sometimes they just don’t have the right skill set. But now that both of them are gone I do wish our relationship was different and we all just “got along”.
Respect your siblings decisions for what they are. You weren’t there to see how your mother may have treated your siblings in her moments of depression and darkness. Parents are able to totally mess up their children’s psyche, as we want to believe they are perfect.

They are not.

It doesn’t sound like your siblings are neglectful of your mother, maybe your expectations of them are too high and you are angry they don’t show care or affection the way you do. What more would you want? Have you discussed this obvious sore spot with your sibs?

To end, you are a family. Try to work it out. I ask that you work on recognizing your sibs are doing the best they can in their own way. Is this worth putting a huge strain the future of your family relationship for years?  Not really, to me anyway. 

All the money and assets in the world won’t fix family dysfunction. We all have family dysfunction to a degree & don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Show an example for your daughter. Distribute your mother’s assets as your mom planned.

Not worth fighting over....bad feelings will persist for years to come and *poof* there goes your family.

Be fair to all your siblings according to your mom’s wishes.
Good luck !

I am going through the same timing, but my siblings curseme out, leave all sort nasty things on email and voicemail.Never tried to help me with my brother in 4 years. I just blocked them from the hospital. And just leave things in God hand. But I refused to put up with all the nasty comments. Give it all to God and you will have Peace. Because nothing you do at this point will satisfy them. Blessed You

Love1946

The truth is very clear when one is told, you can choose your friends, but not your family.

I know how you feel and have had the same things done to me by my siblings AND a "niece".

Older sister "thinks" she can scare me with threats as if....she actually (she's at least 1" shorter than me) got physically in my face. Isn't tall enough to touch nose-nose with clinched fists and the most angry face I've ever seen.

I told her she had 1 and only 1 attempt to hit me; after that, she'd better run because I would either call 911 or beat the **** out of her. Then I started to laugh at her and told her she didn't scare me and we weren't little kids, so nice try.

This is too funny as she then told me she was going to call 911 if I DIDN'T GET OUT OF HER HOUSE😂😂😂 Told her I'd dial the phone for her.

When our baby sister had an extended vacation paid for by taxpayers, this same sister threatened me about a letter I sent to the "resort". Told me I had caused this sibling to suffer mild heart attack and other BS causing hospitalization . What SHE failed to realize is our daughter worked at the hospital where these "vacationers" are taken for medical services. Daughter gave me the 411 for all procedures that must be followed for "vacationers" which I then told sister she better get her facts before trying to accuse me of anything again.

Lil Brother, gave me a very extensive sermon via text.....don't throw stones Lil Brother.

I would ban them all from seeing Mom without my being there or my Uncle, but I'm not there and do not have the power to do so.

I don't talk with either sister and rarely with brother. Most likely all ties will cut once Mom is gone. It hurts to know this will happen, but it is what it is now.

Yes, I pray every night that God will watch over Mom for me and please give me the knowledge in some way that Mom needs me.

Thank you again.

Your story is like a Tennessee Williams play. I thought Southern Gothic Melodrama was the pinnacle of DRAMA. But all those memories of Christmas with the huge family doesn’t necessarily offer proof that everyone loved everyone else.

My relatives were never congenial to me in the past and now they are openly hostile. I’m sure it might make my mom sad when I’m never seen again after she passes away but she won’t know about it.

Revenge, to me, is not having to be one of my extended family but instead I get to be me. They will always be them. That’s punishment enough.

When you know within your heart, you have done all you can to keep peace.Let go of all the drama.Just do what is right. You can’t fight the Devil at his game, his propose is to destroy families. Put it all in God Hands he will take care all unrighteousness. Just have dinner with family that wants to call problems. I have the same problem with my siblings, I just don’t yield to them or their thoughts. I have taken care of my brother without their help or a phone call to see how he is doing for almost 5 years. I have POA. So I don’t have to answer to them. They had the opportunity to care for him and they didn’t want the responsibility. So I pray and work at doing the right thing for my brother.

SHANE11

Thank you for your response and I truly understand what you're saying.

It really, I don't think any way, I'm trying to seek revenge; I may have used the wrong words, so much as it is that I want show them that they should have treated Mom with more respect and love.

They, 2 are not a surprise, are like vulchars circling above her and just waiting.

The 1 sibling who surprises me, is the 1 who complained these same issues when our fraternal grandmother died.

I try and try to just let things go, but that's what I was told to do my entire life. I was to be seen, but do not express my opinion about any thing. This has continued into my 60s.

There are so many many times in my life I was not allowed to even defend myself.

I have fibromyalgia so bad that I have to take 9 meds to help get me through the day.

We were all back home for Mom's birthday and I was totally surprised that at some point 2 of my siblings had received medical degrees....I believe they were from the college of I Just Walked Thru The Kitchen Door.

I had my meds out on the dresser and these 2 decided that it was their business to go through my meds and decide which I needed and those I did not. 1 (recovered drug addict) told me she could tell when someone had an addiction; only 2 of my meds fall under controled substance.

Since the other was also staying at Mom's too, I did something that my doctors went postal on me.

I did not take my meds that night. My sibling got up to shower etc so I called him into my room. Asked what was wrong; I told him that I wanted to show him why I have to take all those meds that he decided I didn't need. He had to help me sit up and help me get out of bed.

This was when I was in my early 50s! I was in so much pain all I could do was cry. I couldn't even go to the airport to see him off.

There are so many other situations, but it doesn't change things and not enough space.

I want them to know, but I can't now or things will definitely go south; that they should have treated Mom better when they had the chance she may have changed her Will completely different. She knew and told me, that she could always depend on me no matter what. I had always been there for her (never know with they way treated me....including Mom).

😨😨 they, being my siblings, still to this day treat me the same way from adolences to this day.

I just want to scream and tell them that one should remember those they stepped on going up the ladder are the same they'll see falling down that ladder.

Thank you again for your thoughts regarding my situation. It helps to see things outside of the 9 dots.

SHANE11

Thank you for your response and I truly understand what you're saying.

It really, I don't think any way, I'm trying to seek revenge; I may have used the wrong words, so much as it is that I want show them that they should have treated Mom with more respect and love.

They, 2 are not a surprise, are like vulchars circling above her and just waiting.

The 1 sibling who surprises me, is the 1 who complained these same issues when our fraternal grandmother died.

I try and try to just let things go, but that's what I was told to do my entire life. I was to be seen, but do not express my opinion about any thing. This has continued into my 60s.

There are so many many times in my life I was not allowed to even defend myself.

I have fibromyalgia so bad that I have to take 9 meds to help get me through the day.

We were all back home for Mom's birthday and I was totally surprised that at some point 2 of my siblings had received medical degrees....I believe they were from the college of I Just Walked Thru The Kitchen Door.

I had my meds out on the dresser and these 2 decided that it was their business to go through my meds and decide which I needed and those I did not. 1 (recovered drug addict) told me she could tell when someone had an addiction; only 2 of my meds fall under controled substance.

Since the other was also staying at Mom's too, I did something that my doctors went postal on me.

I did not take my meds that night. My sibling got up to shower etc so I called him into my room. Asked what was wrong; I told him that I wanted to show him why I have to take all those meds that he decided I didn't need. He had to help me sit up and help me get out of bed.

This was when I was in my early 50s! I was in so much pain all I could do was cry. I couldn't even go to the airport to see him off.

There are so many other situations, but it doesn't change things and not enough space.

I want them to know, but I can't now or things will definitely go south; that they should have treated Mom better when they had the chance she may have changed her Will completely different. She knew and told me, that she could always depend on me no matter what. I had always been there for her (never know with they way treated me....including Mom).

😨😨 they, being my siblings, still to this day treat me the same way from adolences to this day.

I just want to scream and tell them that one should remember those they stepped on going up the ladder are the same they'll see falling down that ladder.

Thank you again for your thoughts regarding my situation. It helps to see things outside of the 9 dots.

Yes, not worth worrying. Actually I’m prepared to be left nothing of value/sentiment as my sister has nothing and we are certain mum will leave her everything. On the other hand if expenses outweigh the estate the sister will bolt.

It sounds like you don’t live near your mom right now. How long has she had dementia? Sometimes children don’t think about taking time with their parents until something goes wrong with them and then they are truly concerned for them. How do you know how they have treated her while they were living with her?
Maybe your sister thought she needed the medical POA because
she was with her and in the case of an emergency she could take immediate action for your mom’s best interest. Were you unable to have your mom stay with you? I have fibromyalgia also and it
Is very difficult to take care of myself much less someone else when I am having a bad day. Maybe your sister was doing the best she could. Some people are just not caregivers. I hate to have you
Become alienated from your family with just how you are
perceiving things to be. Being Bi-polar could be having an affect on what is actually going on. Also, you said that the psychiatrist
said that how you were treated by your siblings was why you were
Bi-polar? I always thought it was a neurological problem in the brain. I hope you can find some peace with all of this because it
Is going to be traumatic when your mom is gone and you have no other family to reminisce with.

Im so sorry that your siblings are worrying about moms money, that makes me sick in body and soul. If your mom is not getting the care she needs at home, now is the time to use your power and get her care, whether it is a facility or in home care, giving her the kind of care she needs and deserves might make all of your inheritance a moot point, with proper care she could out live her money. Until she passes it is hers and hers alone but, i can tell you that if she is not getting the care she needs, all involved could be facing elder abuse and neglect charges.

Make sure that she is being taken care of completely and you will be able to live the rest of your life knowing you did the best for mom, wether you got a penny from her estate or not.

I pray God protects your mom and she is being well cared for, she has the money for top notch care and that is what she deserves, may it be granted her.

I had to get a restraining order against my sister I ask mum to try and talk some sense into her because I didn’t want it to come to this. Best thing I ever did as she no longer harasses me. Funny thing now mum getting involved and trying to get us back together. No can do that again not to mention the $1000 attorney fees and time off work for court. Sad thing my mum now siding with the narcissistic sister who claims to be dying.

I understand everything all of you have said. There are issues that have come up that I had to make a decision I have been extremely hesitant because of Mom's mental condition.

Our daughter went home to visit friends and to check on her grandma. My daughter has always been able to control or hide her emotions until now.

Once Mom and my step-father realized she was ringing the door bell, she felt like she had walked into a house of horrors! Remember, she is an RN and has quite a bit of experience dealing with patients like Mom.

She made sure that my sister was not home. The house looks as if it hasn't been cleaned in years. She hugged Mom, who did not recognize her (it took 4 hrs to finally call her by her name), expected that Mom would have an odor from incontinence. It was more than she expected!

Mom's night gown looked as if she hadn't changed it in months. Had blood stains all over it. Daughter wasn't sure if Mom was scratching her arms too hard as there is a rash on them, picking at scabs UNTIL she saw a bug crawling on Mom's shoulder. She text me a picture because she knew it was too small for a cockroach, but thought it was too big for a bed bug. I googled and the pictures were like twins!! Mom just killed it, told daughter that the exterminator hasn't been able to kill "whatever these bugs are".

I talked with our exterminator and was told that when bed bugs are feasting during day light hours, Mom has a full blown infestation and she is their buffet.

Daughter started checking furniture and found dozens of eggs in the crevices and underside of the cushions that looked like acne.

I called my Uncle, Mom's youngest brother to go to the house so daughter could do more covert operations.

Mom's hair is so matted she looks like a street mutt or as I call her, Miss Havasham from Great Expectations. This sister's daughter is a hair dresser and makes sure her Mother's hair is coiffed. Why hasn't that granddaughter washed and given her grandmother a easy style to help keep clean and combed?

The carpet in the family room is so stained with urine it will need to be ripped out; I cleaned it a year ago!

Daughter could NOT find Mom's insulin, syringes or perhaps an apie pen.

She tried to take pictures of the game room, but the flash reflected too much from swirling bugs/dust.

She video taped on her cellphone for 10 minutes of Mom trying to get off the sofa (she refused help) and daughter said that the urine odor now had the odor of poop.

My daughter called me crying. Told me that Mom will be dead this year if something isn't done. That the smell of the urine indicated that Mom has the UTI again and will end up in the hospital.

My step-father looked for something to prepare for their dinner, but nothing was in the pantry either of them could eat, but plenty of food my sister bought for herself. My step-father told my daughter they would just eat peanuts and started shelling peanuts. Daughter did not have a car to go to the store for them.

I couldn't take this any longer. I reported my sister to Adult Protective Services. It is now being investigated.

Yes, I will press charges if they deem she has neglected Mom. They can appoint me both guardian/conservator through the Court.

They will help me get in-home care and other agencies involved. My Uncle will help by checking on them weekly. IF there are any issues, I will go home to take care of them.

I can't stop crying because of what my sister hasn't done for Mom, but she convinced every social worker that she is a 24/7 caregiver. She only cares about herself and my other 2 siblings don't care. They are all just waiting for Mom to die and get what they think they deserve.

I know I can't change Mom's Will, but it's really a wish. I will make their lives hell though. There are so many things that will need to be done just to sell Mom's house due to the infestation that they aren't going to see much of what they think will be coming their way.

I can, if I wanted as conservator, charge the estate for my duties required by the Court; if I did, they won't get anything.

My heart is breaking for my Mom and I also feel guilty that I am putting Mom through this, but I couldn't ignore things any longer. Yes, I expect my siblings to never speak with me again, but I will be able to sleep knowing I did everything I could for Mom.

dkentz- you did the right thing. No one should have to live like that.

On a side note - if you are able
to gain guardianship make sure that the amount being paid to you is determined at that time as payment in guardianship situations needs to be court approved.

That said - don’t be surprised if the court orders an independent guardian. If that does happen, after a time you may be able to have guardianship switched to you. However, this likely wouldn’t occur until your mothers situation has be corrected AND you can show what your plan is to make sure it stays that way. Just think you should be prepared for that outcome.

OMG!!!
So glad you called APS!!!
My dad had bedbug infestation too...nests in his hat and shoes etc etc....totally awful AND very expensive plus VERY hard to get rid of once they've set up camp!!
My dad also had bites on his scalp and everywhere on his body and still has PTSD from it!!
I'm so sorry you ste going through this but please get outside help for this bedbug problem and your daughter really needs to check herself  NOW!!! 
My husband went in my dad's home with the hazmat outfit on, stripped down naked outside in the winter and still brought one into the house and it set up camp in his recliner and they multiplied fast!!  My son found one crawling on the pillow next to him on the couch 😩We burned a new couch, two recliners the whole room got flipped upside down...I don't know how many times I washed and re-washed and burned things because I was so paranoid!!    Bugs have never really bothered me but once I learned all I could about a bedbug they are the most disgusting thing on earth !!! And even the cleanest people can get them !!!  
Some people put their bedbug infested furniture out along the road to get picked up by whoever wants it or they donate it to a thrift store, yuck!! 
We ended up having to demolish my dad's trailer because it was so infested, they lay eggs in the most crazy places. Yes bedbugs do bite because that's how they feed themselves by sucking your blood.  Google bedbug pictures and see a picture of one that has just fed and one that is hungry.   After spending tons of money with an exterminator we found that it was worthless! Broke my heart when I saw my dad's arms with scabs and his scalp...it rips my heart out all the time  when I hear of someone going through this experience!
I wish that we would have called APS but I didn't know about them at the time.   We tried to help my dad but he didn't think it was that big of a deal so I was desperately wanting someone to help and I think APS would've been the right answer!!
I will be thinking of you and again I'm so sorry your parents are going through this and you Hugs 💜

Thank you to all who have read my latest post regarding the newest chapter of Mom's life.

I had always planned since childhood, that I would never place either parent in a facility; especially reading about the treatment of people as I grew older.

But as life always does, it changes the direction you planned; this I have not lived in my home State for 15 yrs or so.

I do know, have known that things have been going South regarding ALL conditions with the sibling living with Mom and how she is doing it.

I know for a fact that this sibling has committed fraud when it comes to Mom, me and social workers.

When I can, I go home to check on Mom's condition as well as those inside the house. When I could and did when I was living back home; I cleaned Mom's house for her, washed the carpeting, scrubbed the floors, walls, counter tops, refrigerator, stove/oven, cabinets; you name it I cleaned it.

One Mother's day, I called this sibling and we had an agreement to meet at Mom's to do the total house cleaning together. I got there with my vacuum, carpet cleaner and all the cleaning solutions necessary. My sibling showed up about 6 hrs later and decided that since I had the house almost done, she would paint the little picket fence around the little patio at the front of the house. She didn't even complete the job because it was getting too dark.

I've talked with Mom over the 10 yrs this sibling has had her butt parked in Mom's house. Mom wanted her out after 6 month agreed upon time limit and was tired of being her free storage company.

My step-father wants her out, when he can remember, and had to physically defend himself of which she has totally turned around to salvage her wants.

My daughter goes home at least 2x a year and ALWAYS spends her last day with Mom and does our covert operations by taking cellphone pictures.

I don't nor am I "guessing or presuming" what is happening when it comes to my siblings treatment of both or intentions. Nope, no need.

This person has done these things all of her life. I believe I said this before, she is the apple of our Father's eye and cannot do any wrong; yet she was always the cause for the majority of their arguments. Mom would tell Dad or even show him what she had done; nope, no way could she have done whatever.

The one and only time that she hurt Dad was when she became pregnant when she was a Senior in high school. He would not even hold my niece when she was a baby. I'd go get her, bring her home for the weekend and Dad would just walk by her while I was playing with her on the blanket on the floor. I finally, after months of this, forced Dad to hold her by making an excuse to leave the room. That's when he came to terms with the pregnancy.

Then my younger sister did the same her Sophomore year....not even 3 months in the 1st term of school. He just gave up on that one, signed papers to allow her to marry at 16, but made the mistake of giving her the paper. The baby daddy came to the house while we were all at work, I graduated early the previous year, and totally clean out closets etc and moved my sister in with his family.

They "asked" me to find her and bring her home. They only gave her permission to marry, but State Law did not allow for her to move out and baby daddy could have been arrested for kidnapping.

I found her, that was not a pretty sight and it was done in front of the entire congregation of the church they were attending. It wasn't done inside the church, but in the parking lot. I was more upset with myself because I used my sailors mouth to a minister. No, she did not come with me as everybody surrounded her.

Then, things being what they were, my husband asked me to marry him. I told him he had to ask Mom/Dad because they deserved to have that moment of a man to ask permission for a daughter's hand.

This was all happening in August of 72, all of this.

The evening my husband asked the Olympics in Munich were going on. Dad was in his recliner watching and it was at the exact same time the Black September people kidnapped the Israelis and then the helicopter exploded killing everyone.

Dad never moved his head or looked at my husband. Dad's only reaction was "Do want to OR do you have to?"

Yep, such a moment of pride and happiness I had tried to give them was.....nothing. Just that one question.

No, I don't need to presume any thing happening to Mom. Yes, I wish I could have her here with me. I could take care of her, but our house cannot accommodate
1. It's a 100 yrs old
2. All the bedrooms are upstairs
3. She can't maneuver any stairs
4. I don't have a room to modify to accommodate her needs
5. She will not leave her home. She wants to die in her bed, her home

If things keep going as they are, She will achieve #5 with my sister's help.

As far as the issue of my becoming guardian, the Court prefers that it is
1. A family member
2. Preferably out of State, but with family assistants in State. Thisbis to help make sure that the person assigned does not take advantage
3. The State will only assign 3rd party if a trusted, vetted family member cannot be found

Since I have all documentation regarding everything that has happened over the past 3 years, my conversations with various State agencies, attempting to get in-home care only for my sister to nix it since it would not be what she wanted and now my having APS get involved; I believe I'm in the better position to become guardian.

Yes, I will be required to report to the Court exactly the same as a 3rd party would. I do not have any issue with being questioned or presenting all required documentation to show what I have done to protect Mom.

I can place my hand on the Bible and State that I am the only child of 4 that has tried to do everything in my power to actually help Mom. Not for benefit, but because she is my Mom and I love her and respect her for being my Mom.

Yes, the bed bug issue....My Uncle who helps keep an eye on her, says that I should have the house burned to the ground and sell the property. Being that it is in old Scottsdale, the property is worth more than the house included😂.

Hi dkentz, just wondering how everything is going for you

Yes, please give us an update.

DKentz, your last posts change things a bit. If I had known the full story I wouldn't have said preachy things to you. While I still feel seeking revenge and making that your life's mission is not healthy for you and may never happen, I can see why you feel the way you do. That story of your Mom's condition and her home's condition with the bed bugs ect. was horrific. I'm so sorry for you.

I wish there was a way you could resolve this without having to eat yourself up inside with hatred towards your sister. I know how it feels to feel these things and I know it's a no-win situation, thus my previous response to you. I've had many people do me wrong in my life and I've had to just let it go in order to survive.

Please accept my apologies for preaching to you and I pray for you that things will resolve somehow for your Mom and yourself.

Not sure if I have shared as I have been stressed, depressed and any other adjective one could use to describe what I'm going through now.

What has happened as of a month ago has forced me to act upon something I had been told I needed to do, but I was really torn.

Daughter went home to visit friends and she always saves her last day to visit Grandma. Daughter worked at County hospital for well over 10 years. She dealt with the homeless, ladies of the evening having been beaten by their Johns and/or pimps, domestic abuse-infants/children and elderly neglect.

Yes, I had to report this situation to Adult Protective Services. The photos our daughter text to me are so horrid/disgusting she said, Mom we had to call APS when we had a case like this come into the ER.

Everything I had done a year ago to help with sanitation conditions for Mom when she came home from the hospital was money thrown down the drain by my sibling.

Daughter said that she couldn't tell how long Mom had been wearing the night gown Mom had on, last time she had a bath, her hair matted so badly it was in knots.

Expecting the odor of urine, it was that and feces so bad she could smell it across the room when Mom tried to stand to go to the bathroom; took 10 minutes for Mom to do this as she refused help and would get angry if daughter tried. Daughter recorded.

House is infested with bed bugs to the point that per my exterminator, Mom is a buffet as the bugs are coming out to feast during day light.

Mom killed 2 on her night gown within the 1st 5 minutes of daughter's visit. I called my Uncle who went over so daughter could get pictures of furniture embedded with bed bug eggs so deep in the upholstery that they looked like acne.

Trash bags full of fast food wrappings. Dust and bugs in the air so bad that taking pictures couldn't be done because of the flash reflecting too much off this yuk.

No food in either the pantry or fridge other than what sibling bought for herself.

Sibling has also stated now that our step-father has hit her. He told my 2 Uncle's and our daughter that my sibling got mad with him when he told her to move out. She came at him like she did me and he had to defend himself which ended with him hitting her to keep her away.

I have been doing everything I can do since I had to make that call to APS. I can't do anything about any of this until I get the go ahead once APS finishes their investigation.

It has been 1 month 1 week since I made the call. I have only spoken with the case worker once. I have left messages trying to find out where things stand and I have text her too.

I received 1 text back telling me that it was great knowing how involved I've been. She had not received the doctor's report, but would contact his office this past Friday.

Everything I'm trying to get rolling for Mom, I can't until
1. APS gives me a final report
2. The bed bug infestation is eradicated because service personnel will not enter the house
3. Will the Court give me guardianship/conservatorship with just Dr report stating Mom is not mentally able to care for herself or finances
4. Kick my sibling out

My depression has been so bad that I haven't been able to do anything but research, talk with supposed elderly agencies that claim to provide helpful and pricing within a range for any budget, snap at my husband and cry. I have cried everyday for the last month plus 1 week.

So far, Medicare has told me that they will do everything they can once I am able to get Mom's Medicare information.

1 of the large home grown grocery chains will help me via their on-line grocery order/home delivery and help with meal menus for Mom's diabetes and meal planning that will be more micro wave use.

Yes, my siblings are my family but only because we have the same parents. My family life line are my 2 Uncles, daughter and husband.

I will do what Mom wants done via her Will, but that's also when I will take charge and speak for Mom.

None of them will receive anything until what needs to be done 1st have been completed. I can charge fees should I get guardianship/conservatorship, but that's a bridge I'll cross later. Yes, this will be a way for them to provide what they should have when Mom was still alive.

I know so many of you will still tell me or feel that I have perhaps hatred in my heart, but it's disgust for lack of respect and love for Mom.

I can say that they are not doing all they can for Mom. Everything has gone to hell in a hand basket in a year!!

Once I get the final report from APS, I've informed my husband and APS I will go home at least once a month, our daughter will go with me when she can to do basic physicals on Mom to provide to the Dr.

Is your mother in the hospital?

Can you call the police to do a welfare check? I bet they could put a fire under APS's behind!