A bad side effect of caregiving my parents has been that I am becoming more and more afraid of getting old. Watching what they have gone through has let me know I do not want to go through the same thing. It has made me hope that I check out of life before I get old.
But even with dementia, my husband had a reasonable quality of life. My mother is content with her nursing home life. I'm more afraid of not having loved ones in my old age, but I don't seriously think that will happen.
I am to a point that if I get another life altering illness, I hope it takes me quickly. My dreams for a wonderful retirement, like what my parents had for 25 years, won't be a reality... I am too tired to enjoy anything anymore :(
to people who hear bad things about the va -- look at the town , region , and local labor pool . if the va is located in skiptooth county arkabammy or something its probably gonna make headlines every now and then .
When I was growing up, I always thought my mother had beautiful hands and handwriting to go with them. I notice how gnarled they have become and her writing is almost illegible. This scares me...when does it happen? One day she is writing letters, signing cards, taking care of her bills....and one day she isn't. I know the decline had to have been somewhat slow...but it appears that it happened overnight. In some ways, after living with mom for a year and a half (she went to assisted living in April of 2014), it gave me a wake-up call. She didn't talk very good care of herself, and wanted to refuse medical care. This makes me want to take better care of myself...body and mind. I have 2 grandchildren and want to watch them grow up.....although I do plan on drinking for my birthday...then maybe I'll harp on hubby enough to build me my time machine. Maybe I should put on my parachute pants so I'm ready.
Thanks for the laugh, and if hubby succeeds, may I rent your time machine? enjoy your bday
L
I'm not really afraid of getting older. I think I am afraid of dementia though. Yes dementia scares me.
I went to zumba class today and gave it my all. Went home and crashed on my couch. Now I have desk work and organizing to do. I am grateful no one lives with me. I help take care of Mom and Dad in helpful and measured doses.
I am not afraid of living or death. I believe there is more than one life: we have come and gone many times before and many more to go, so why worry? Nothing is created or destroyed: it is all energy and all change. Only love matters.
My husband has early onset dementia, and I'm now his full-time caregiver. So, this is our early retirement. I try to fill my time doing genealogy and writing my family history, things I can do from home. Luckily, my husband's SSDI check is enough to get by, and his VA health benefits cover meds and in-home caregivers to help. We are taking the attorney's advice to protect as much of our assets as possible for my future, but I worry that my health will be gone. I feel like I've got early signs of dementia and know I inherited my mom's arthritis. I too am looking into long term care insurance, but will that be enough in the future?
I try to look for the positive, take one day at a time, and take care of myself, but wish I had a crystal ball so I knew what the future holds!!! Glad I live in a state that has assisted suicide, just hope I have mental capacity, when/if the time comes for me.
[for those not familiar with those names, it's the characters on the "Big Bang Theory"]
I was terrified when my daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2004. But Old Age? Nah.
Honestly, I recall sitting at my laptop, enjoying my day and thinking that life was pretty darned good and then BAM! I got the phone call that changed everything.
I do think I fear dementia more than old age. I can accept an old body that has wrinkles, but the mind......losing that just freaks me out.
I also help care for my parents who don't have dementia, but are in their mid 70's. Do you know how many funerals they go to every month?????????? NOW THAT is scary. They never stop. I just got a call today that one of my good friend's mom died. She was 92. Her funeral on Sunday will be two in one week for me.
I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think I need a vacation! lol
Afraid of getting too old and outliving all the people I know......
by Judy Faust
“Dance! Not like this!
not a frightened feeble frame!
Dance! Shake it down,
Rock every tissue, rattle every fiber. Dance!
You, ballroom dancers!”
He looked right at me.
He threw back his jaguar head and his white teeth flashed neon.
Shake it down, he chanted.
And his shoulders and torso muscles rippled
like a tsunami wave flinging off a surfer.
Forty something years old on Friday.
“You are still young!” said an eighty year old, smiling.
“Age is attitude,” advised the seventeen year old.
“What are you going to be when you grow up?”
a child asked me yesterday.
Tomorrow I will strain my eyes
as I explore the foggy future
or try to remember the landmarks of my youth.
I will hear the crumpled letters I never sent
scraping against my conscience,
I will listen to insurance companies promising me security in old age. I will...
Dance! The music cracks my comfort zone,
the shell of childhood breaking,
crushed beneath my wild feet.
In my head, I hear my mother,
“Too much wiggling! You’ll ruin it all! Control, Control!”
But the Salsa dancer from Costa Rica
trills and undulates like palm trees in a hurricane.
We’re all chanting now, a class of waving arms, feverish flesh.
Like the virgin diver, I left the shore, became the tsunami.
In the mirror, I am shining, ageless.
Even my dance partner ‘s eyes twinkled with liberation
the moment I became free.
But the aging process is scary for sure. I worry when I start to forget things that maybe I'm getting dementia and I definitely get winded easier these days. But theres no point worrying when you can't do anything about it. Worrying just causes stress which will make you less healthy.
But - wow. The reality is that unless a lot of my other childless friends all come together in a communal home, we may be one of those news stories you hear about "a rural Florida man and his wife were found dead in their home today. They appeared to have died a week ago."
I'm scared beyond measure - but then, I have GAD, so I also remind myself I'm probably being unrealistic.