How do I cope with a boss who is growing less tolerant of family needs?

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How do I cope with a boss who is growing less tolerant of family needs?

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I can't quit my job. I'm not permitted to work off site, although it is easily done in my work environment.

Working Caregiver

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Tell mom not to call you at work. We had to do the same. If she needs a housekeeper, hire one. Get her a medical alert pendant if she is prone to emergencies. If she is starting fires in the kitchen, consider Assisted Living.

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You hire day time help for your parents. The caregiver i hired for my mom cleaned, cooked, personal care, meds, took her to the store, and dr visits (where I met them). She was a Godsend! I was able to keep my job that way and only used FLMA when she went into hospice.

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Your boss depends on you, so you need to be dependable. If you need time away, use your family or vacation leave so he/she can hire a temp to do your job. It would be nice if we were like some European countries that work fewer hours each week and have longer vacations.

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Cclarkphxaz, I had a boss like that, too. She had no clue what I was dealing with, and here I wasn't a hands-on caregiver, it was just all the doctor appointments and other days off for whatever.... I used up all my vacation days, sick days, and days with no pay.

Me being out of the office didn't sit well with the boss. Eventually headquarters eliminated my position because it noticed that other employees were able to share my work. Gone was an excellent job that had great benefits such as matching 401(k), health insurance, profit sharing, paid tuition, etc.

I was heartbroken, and very resentful of my parents because they could have changed but were too stubborn in their ways. If they could have changed, I would still have that fantastic job.

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One thing about FMLA, it is only 90 days worth of time during an one year time span where the company guarantees that your job will still be waiting for you.

I am so glad I never used FMLA to use for my parents because I came down with a serious illness that required surgery and I needed every single day of FMLA for myself.

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I'm new to the website and am so thankful for your thoughts. Fredflyer, I'm in exactly the same situation, no live in, hands on (yet) and it's more addressing urgent matters, Doctor spots, hospital testing. To make matters even worse is that my father, who is 8 yrs younger has a host of his own issues which also requires my assistance too. They both try hard to depend on one another. I already see the train wreck coming down the track.

My moms biggest ongoing issue is extreme memory loss due to a stroke. Most days she depressed and irritable with a "my life sucks" disposition. Hard not to get resentful considering all I'm dealing with because of her. Of course, then I feel guilty for that and then get resentful of my boss and my mom, then everyone in my life. Lastly I get mad at myself for the pity party, poor me, BS.

It's a never ending circle of emotions that I can't pull out of anymore. It's only going to get worst too. UHG!

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I have been in each of these positions as, boss, employee, and caregiver. First, don't blame your loved onr if you choose to give up your job and/or try to do it all. No matter what, YOU are making that decision not them. In all circumstances there are now solutions to getting extra help and/ or in placing them somewhere safe. Under no circumstancs try to care for someone with dimentia without professional help! Not only can you end up jailed and/or wrongly charge with something, you could end up dead before the person with dementia. Do not under estimate the possible danger to yourself or them! Everyone needs professional help because no one is born knowing how to handle these things and too few of us take the classes we will need. On average it takes three people to care for someone, two full time and at least one parttime. As for the boss. You may have a job where instant answers are needed even if you don't 'see' it that way. In addition, if your boss is overly dependent and/or poorly suited for their job you canexpect that, you and not they will be blamed. In the long run, either leaving and/or placing your loved one must happen.
In my case, I opted for making someone's care my new job, and it turned out that saved my life because I was so caught up in the job thatI wasn't doing what I should have for my health, si it was only learning ehst I needed to properly care for someone else, I got a chance to save myself. This isn't going to be true for everyone, however, if money, power, and/ or influence, are any driving forces for choices, your choices will always be wrong. Get help!

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It's a tough spot.

I'm in the same boat, starting to hear rumbles of discontent about how often I need to run out to take MIL to an appt. or pick up a kid from school. My review is coming up, so I've started making a small list of what I do around the office that is "extra" - so they can see that although they are "putting up with" some difficulty with me, I also go above and beyond for them. Hoping this will help compensate and appease some of the grumbles.

You might try that, making a list of things you do that go above and beyond. Hopefully you can show them that overall you are an asset to the company. And someday your boss will likely know about how hard this juggling act is, because it will happen to someone in her life :(

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First of all, ignore the people here who are all "me, me, me." Next consider your options. These include aids and companions who can do some of what you do but not all of it. Reserve for yourself such tasks as going to the doctors' appointments. (See katiekat2009's post.) If your parents are eligible for medicaid, start that process.

Call a meeting with your boss and explain to your boss what is going on with your parents. At this meeting also go over how your work is not suffering but rather continuing to be of the highest quality. Give the boss handouts about caregiving. Communication is key.

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I think Igloo makes some good points. Looking at the situation from the negative angle, your boss doesn't understand and probably won't. She lives in a different world. Is there any way you can help her understand? I don't know. I think someone has to have some experience in caregiving to realize the demands it creates.

What you can do is protect yourself by planning for an unfortunate outcome. If you haven't already, start inventorying the jobs you've managed, problems that have arisen and how you solved them, etc. Inventory the various skills you've used - dealing with tradespeople (probably many men), managing multiple trades, integrating them into a project, project management tasks, construction scheduling, maybe some CPM scheduling as well. These are valuable skill sets.

If you can carve out any time, start networking in trade groups. I once joined a project management group, at which one of the meetings was a blend of knowledgeable and highly placed, visible people in various aspects of project management of a massive utility project. I made a few good contacts; didn't hurt that there were only 2 women there - myself and one of my co-workers.

If you have the nerve, and I'm not sure I would, have a frank talk with her and ask her if she's planning any drastic action, and if so, what solutions can be created to avoid a dismissal. I know it's hard to think in those terms, but you do want to be prepared to preserve what I suspect is a challenging and promising career.

If you don't have time to socialize with the management of the various trades involved, try to get more acquainted with them so you can use them as references.

Don't forget the government folks as well; I'm sure you're dealing with building inspection departments. Even though I doubt many would stick their necks out to give recommendations, there are some. That's how I found a plumber decades ago.

And in fact one of the projects on which I worked was eased along by compliments from the community's building staff to our client, which had brought us in b/c of difficulty with the local building department.

Dealing with architectural and inspection folks can grease the skids to keep a project moving and get an occupancy cert issued. These are important skills, so cultivate those folks and perhaps they might be supportive if anything unpleasant happens.

And, if a worse case seems to be materializing, think about part time, FMLA, or even resigning voluntarily; it'll look better on your resume than an involuntary departure.

How do I cope with a boss who is growing less tolerant of family needs?

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