I want to help but it is tough on our friendship. I never get a chance to spend any quality time with my friend and I took care of my own elderly mom who was in a wheel chair and also my very sick older brother for 10 years. I love my friend and her mom but don’t feel it’s a deal breaker if I don’t want to be obligated to watch over my friend’s ailing mom. She won’t hire anyone to help and brings her mom everywhere. My friend is a wonderful person but I don’t think she realizes how this impedes on our friendship. Not sure what to do. Want to be a supportive friend but don’t want to be taken for granted. It’s a difficult situation.
I don't think you want to do this care. Say so.
And quite honestly, if this isn't a deal breaker, what is.
I say this assuming that you and your friend live together. Because if not this is really an easy one. Just don't show up so often. Any excuse will do. And when you are called on it just admit that really you do not wish to continue caretaking for family--not for your own and not for hers.
If this is a deal breaker for a "friendship" then this was never a friend.
If we are talking you are more than friends, rather are partners, then you have an issue which requires counseling and honesty now.
Good luck.
“No.”
or if you have to add a few words “no, I can’t possibly do that.”
you are not her plan A B or C.
This isn’t a difficult situation at all. The answer is no, hell no, absolutely not, you will not burden me with this, I’m old too, 100% no, are you crazy, what makes you think you can rope me into solving your problem etc.
Caregiving is isolating, you only have time for the person you are caring for. Maybe you can help in other ways. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping. Give friend a break.
And there you have it, your friend looks at you and sees a built in caregiver - they have no clue just how incredibly difficult and draining that experience was. I had a friend like this too, fortunately one of my other friends discouraged her from approaching me because I might have said something... not nice. Remember no is a complete sentence, you don't have to offer any explanation. Practice this - No, that doesn't work for me. Repeat repeat repeat.
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