She has dementia, and fiddles with everything. I tell her we have to leave 1 hour before we do, and were still late. It causes a lot of stress. She is so easily distracted, that she constantly moves from one thing to the next, and forgets what she is doing. I have tried everything!!! No matter what I do, we end up arguing. It is very stressful for both of us. She has been living with us for 18+ years.
Do this in a place where there is nothing to fiddle with.
Unless your mother then announces that she needs the loo/is going to be sick/didn't want to see her friend anyway, of course.
I'm sure it is VERY stressful. So, the thing is, I think that the only that can change are your expectations. She appears to need much more help than in the past.
I would strongly consider hiring an aide for a bit of time, hopefully every day, to help her with her ADLs.
Do you think this has been a slow, steady decline or did it just kind of downslide quickly? If it was very quick, you might want to look into it with her doctor?
She lives in AL so when we have to go anywhere I tell her a time 30 minutes before we need to leave then show up 15 minutes before that. Then I have to watch her search around her room while she looks for her wallet, tissues, glasses, sunglasses, etc. even tho she has had days to assemble this it happens every time! So I follow her around finding her things, again, and gently urging her on until I have to say "we are going to be late, let’s move!"
She doesn’t need any of these things, I have it all in my purse or car, it’s just her way of keeping some degree of independence, wanting those days when she didn’t need anyone around to help her.
So my suggestion is patient persistence, knowing your mom can’t change and is surely grateful that you are helping.
PS Sometimes I call her an hour before pickup time to get her started on her quest ;)
Sorry, this is hard.
It is hard and frustrating.
You are not alone.
They have no concept of time sadly. I find I have better results if I spring it on my mom instead of telling her in advance. You have to direct her through getting dressed yourself. Just start early and lead her through the steps. Keep your eye on the clock, she cant remember time anymore. Good luck!