My sister has been taking care of my mom for over a year while staying at my mom’s house after my dad passed away. Meanwhile my sister has her own household and would like to move my mom there instead. Mom refuses! Yet, our mom is bed bound and not an able body. She’s completely dependent on us feeding her, changing her diapers and sponge baths. she has kidney and heart disease. She’s not able body! Suggestions please! My sister sacrificed enough and it’s time for my sister to get back into her own household. Thank you!
'Mom, you're moving to (your sister's name) house or you're moving into a nursing home.'
This should do it.
Call APS or her local County Area Agency of Aging to place her .
IMO and my mother’s doctor’s opinion , an uncooperative parent with dementia needs to be taken care of by NON family who they can’t boss around .
"We cannot go on caring for you in this manner: as of the date of __________we will not return to this house. Here is the number for 911 and here is the number for Adult Protective Services (APS) for you to call. Otherwise you can agree to move into Sister's house NOW."
That's it. Clear as a cleaned window.
No argument. No nonsense.
Now I will say this, I would not be taking this unhappy woman into my own home and making it thereby her home. She will not be leveraged out of it. With diabetes the onslaught of ills, even up to and including gangrene in the feet and amputations that go on a bit at a time over and over, will be her new norm. To me this isn't doable care for one person, but that has to be her choice as an adult to make.
Caring for a non cooperating elder is to be frank impossible.
You must do as you see fit and I couldn't wish you more in terms of the very best of luck. I am so sorry for you all.
Just so you know mine - I told my daddy this: "Doctor said.... and when you get better you can A,B,C, then you can come home"
It worked. He never gave me an argument and he never got better but it was easier to put the blame on someone else.
Blessings for you at this time - not easy - know that as I write this a prayer has been said for you and your family
Your mom is bed bound and dependent. She doesn’t have a choice. Don’t give her a choice and don’t expect her to be like well ok.
You have to make this happen. It’s so rude of your mother to allow her daughter to be away from home for over a year to deal with her.
If your mother a narcissist and was she abusive when you all were growing up? Does she have dementia?
Tell your mother she either moves to your sister’s or she goes to a care home.
I also think your sister needs a several month break between now and receiving your mother at her house.