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very healthy till stroke, willnot get food or iv . cannot swallow, has dementia

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My Dad is 95 and after several strokes and seizures, has had Hospice care for the past 2 weeks under a doctor's suggestion. They discontinued Hospice yesterday; for my Dad has decided it is not his time to die and has rallied. I freaked out at the beginning of the Hospice care when I found out they were not giving him food or water due to his inability to swallow. I feel that it is cruel to let a person starve to death, and give them morphine so they do not feel pain. Because I protested, they began giving my Dad small amounts of "comfort foods" and thickened Ensure. (Interesting that he could swallow when I was there) Starting today we have a nursing service caring after Dad until it is GOD's decision for him to die, not a doctor's or Hospice decision. If he should recover, it will be a miracle!
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My mother who had a servere stroke at 92 and was in a coma passed days 4 days after they took her off of breathing machine and no food. Hospice was an amazing place. I have been feeling so guilty watching her die from not receiving nutrition! I wanted to save her.
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My grandmother's tube was removed and 2 weeks later we found out they were giving her liquid medicine. She hung in there for about 7 more days once everything was stopped.
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The called my husband to fly over seas, his mother a diabetic and had been in comas and had strokes and pulled thru before, had passed out never to respond again after 3 weeks. His mother liking 3 months being 100, was still up and going til this. So my husband flew over and had machine turned off cause Dr said kidneys failing peeing blood and by then she was stinking and starting to rott. He had to leave and come back to states after 5 days then since she had feeding tube removed and turned off. Never responding, the hospitals there never did brain test but send home to die saying nothing more they can do. Its now been 15 days and the Dr's came back and put feeding tube back in. Still not responding. While he was there he appointed his sister over her now. Still stuff coming out her and peeing blood. This is torcher for us all and what can you do Dr's are ones coming out and doing this there.
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Butterflykisses is absolutely right on. I agree 100%. I was an RN and a Paramedic and when someone wants to leave they do so and nothing we can do like life saving measures will keep them here if they want to go. I just lost my dad and took it very very very hard but he told me he wanted to go and hated being here, He stopped eating, drank very very little after a broken hip fall. Deterioted very fast and had NO life. I was with him every day and night for over 5 months and he at the end looked up at the ceiling and starred for a very long time. I knew then it was someone who had come to get him and I am so so grateful he never suffered. Elderly people when something traumatic happens to them they no longer have any interest in eating and will usually stop. I have seen this thousands of times over and over again. My dad lived on fluids only for months and would not eat anything. They have had it and want to get out of the damaged physical body. They become whole and young again and are in a better place than we can ever imagine and we too will meet up with them again one day!
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Is your husband a veteran? I can't enumerate all the benefits he and you might be eligible for, but I hope you will check out the following as soon as possible. If he is a Vet, plz check to see if there is a VA facility for Domiciliary (Independent Living or Supervised Care), Special Care (Alzheimer & Dementia related Disorders), or (as for your husband?) : Nursing Home (Standard, Skilled & Hospice Nursing Care @ $0 - $2,190 p/mo currently in OH) available near you---perhaps not now but for future needs. I have heard from several others that our Ohio Veterans Homes are outstanding, including top safety ratings, etc.. Mind you, I've been told it's definitely no frills. ...But..."It was so wonderful, it brought tears to my eyes." The rates are about a third of what my mother-in-law paid 5 years ago in a non-VA facility. You might be able to obtain more assistance at home through local, community or federal grants/programs. Even preparing meals (including shopping for food, and cleaning up, etc.) can drain a caregiver. So little things like meals on wheels, or having a volunteer sitter come over once a week can be a big help. I used to have a relative stay with my sister for a couple of hours twice a month, just so I could go to a free support group gathering at our city's Senior Center. I got to vent my frustrations, and I learned lots and lots of ways to better help her and myself. Plus I was able to share with others who understood a little of what I was going through. I also had a little time to relax, have a quiet moment, and oh yes, to have a guilt-free moment to enjoy a whole cup of hot coffee ...at one sitting! Your Hospice RN Case Manager and Social Worker will be able to guide you. Don't be shy about asking. You have to consider your own limits, strengths, and health so that you are able to continue to optimally give to & care for your husband as you obviously want to do. Last but far from least, if he is a Veteran, The American Legion and American Legion Auxiliary, as well as some other Veteran organizations, are continually doing every thing they can to support Veterans, their families, and their communities, forever. The National ALA number is (317)569-4500. I'm sure they would welcome your call, Nancy. My prayers are with you.
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Box on the right...
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Nancy, see the box on the that says ask a question? Typing your question there will allow you to put in more detail, as well as be found easier by others that would very much like to give you some feedback.
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My husband had his fourth stroke in February. In March he went on hospice because they rated him as "failure to thrive". It is now almost September and he is still eating though very little and drinking very little, but his mind is gone and he is hallucinating without medication. He is 81 and has no idea that he is not going to get better. He insists that he can walk and that he did. He wants out of the bed and has seemed to forget that he has a left side that doesn't work. Hospice has been wonderful, but he is a big man, 6' 6" and his body seems to be fighting to stay alive. He sees his dead relatives and rambles on through the decades even back to the 1940's. I care for him at home with the able help of hospice, but am getting very tired. I am 80 though praise the Lord, strong. Hospice gives me respite which I really need. I have very little help and cannot afford a "home" for him nor can I afford full time help.
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Thank you for your answers to my question. When my mother had reached 20 days with no food or water or IV, just loads of drugs, including morphine every hour and fentanyl, she was experiencing the fluid build up, (gurgling). Haldol was given at that point and she died within a couple hours. So almost 21 days it took for this 87 yr old woman who had not had solid foods or movement or speech for 8 YEARS to die. Unbelievable.
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My 84-year-old MIL broke her hip this past spring and has declined steadily. She has lost almost 40 lbs. in seven months. She is in hospice at home. She is about 5'1" and weighs 69 pounds now. For the past month she has been surviving on a few sips of water per day and a bite of cracker or applesauce. I think she is not nearly ready to go and is going to continue like this for months. Does anyone have experience with a family member weighing less than 69 lbs.? How much weight can she lose and continue to survive? How long?
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My FIL took 3 weeks
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Faithson, it won't be Lon now, the human body can really hang on, sometimes. Comfort and Love her, continue to talk to her. Leave no regrets an just be there for her. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family at this most difficult time. My Mom lasted only one week on only cimfrt care. They brought us into this world, and it Can be a beautiful thing being there as they leave our world to that better place. You're a great and caring Son!
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Faithson, i cannot believe it could go on much longer. A week ago I lost my best friend. He had a variety of health related issues. When they took him off the ventilator medical staff did not think he woukd last even two hours. Five days later he passed. Is there something that Mom may be waiting for? A child, spouse, friend, etc. In my case after 5 days on hospice he passed four hours after arriving to see him. He was waiting for me, I thibk. Had to know all would be ok and his job is to go with his wife that predecased him nearly 20 years ago.
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My 86 yr old mom with dementia has now been 19 days with out any food or water. Why is it taking so long for her body to die? This is just ridiculous.
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My grandmother lasted 3 weeks.
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This is in response to Sugars. How old is your Mother? What do the Doctors say about her long term chance for a recovery or partial recovery? Are they on board with the no feeding tube etc. If she is at the end stage of life not giving her a feeding tube may be the best choice as hard is it is to accept. Remember when the bible was written feeding tubes were not an option. Sometimes prolonging life by artificial means is not the best choice. Quality of life matters and her body may be saying it is time to let me go peacefully. Try to make peace with your sister. You both want the best for your mother even if you disagree on what that is and you need each other. My thoughts and prayers go out to both of you. It is a difficult time.
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My brother in law was in hospice in a nursing home, and on a feeding tube which was drowning him in fluids. They took him to a hospice house for his last week. They took out the feeding tube and stopped water too. He didn't need it. He was dying and the body doesn't need anything when it is dying. The fluids were not being absorbed so they just gurgled in his lungs and throat. It sounded awful. When he got into the hospice house he was in complete peace and had absolutely no complaints. He was ready to meet his maker and he knew that he was going to a better place. Hospice house was the doorway to Heaven and everyone who worked there was wonderful.
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my mother had a stroke couple days ago cant move left side cantswallow no feeding tube and no fluids my sister is the power of attonery she want let my momo have a feeding tube im so mad im 2000 miles away cant really do anything im so mad and upset in the bible god said if someone hungry feed them please pray for my momo and for me because I don't know what I would do if my mom dies
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im caregiver of 66 year old man, he is paralised , noe blind,fronm 2 strokes, he is hateful and mean, he does not get out of bed ,hospice helps with him because he is termanal, he diggs,and takes diaper off, plays with his feces, even eats it ,he has lost 2/3 of his mind ,please help , hoe can someone not get up and be so stiff for so long,and still be with us?
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When we're watching a loved one slowly deteriorate in front of our eyes, it is a very rough time both emotionally and physically. We want the best for them, to be comfortable and without pain. Each of us has our own idea what is best and others might not agree. That is the beauty of Hospice care. They manage the pain and make sure the patient is comfortable. None of us wants to play God, but if you know what the patient wants and had the conversation about their end of life wishes, then by all means, their wish has to be honored. And that may very well be no DNR or IV's or food intake. It is a tough place to be if you are the one making that final decision for their sake. Everyone walks a different walk and until we've walked in your shoes, well... xxxooo and blessings on all us caregivers. We are doing the Lord's work.
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Please, just let Mother Nature take its course. Then you will not have guilty feelings afterwards that you tried to play God...
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Well yes, each person has their own choices, but I personally wouldn't want someone else's blood on my hands, and that's just me. I've already got my hands full w/ my dear surrogate dad who won't eat right, or even enough to sustain him. He also won't drink any water, but will drink loads of instant coffee & cherry coke. Right now he's been hospitalized for 2 days, & is on his way to rehab at a nearby nursing home tomorrow. I'm extremely concerned about him, (he's 81) & he's slowly killing himself. This went on until he called me suddenly ill a couple days ago. When antibiotic kicked in, he got hostile & mouthy to the point I had to slip away. I just can't be around him when he's like that. Anyway, I wish everyone well here, & hope the holiday goes well.
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If I was Terry Shiavo, I wouldn't have wanted ANYONE to have tried to "save" me through artificial feedings, and would have fought for my rights to discontinue them if I was able to. At the same time, I would also be one of the first to fight for the rights of anyone that wants artificial feedings to sustain their life.
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Oh my! As a starvation survivor throughout childhood, there's absolutely NO WAY I could possibly let another person starve or dehydrate to death! Remember Terry Shiavo? There's another one I wish I could've saved.
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It is me again larfcarter with the 95 yr old mom in hospice . she is now being given thickened fluids ie: water, juice. Now food , like malto meal , sweet potato etc. i was told , hospice does not hurry death , just makes it comfortble , she gets what ever she asks for food and water . she is not in reality at all.
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One thing we've notice on hospice care is that if a patient has been on IV fluids just prior to coming onto hospice care....for example, if they had been in the hospital just prior to coming onto hospice care....they seem to last longer. The IVs seem to hydrate the body (which they're obviously supposed to be doing), so the body has more fluid to live off from even when an IV is no longer being used and the person is no longer taking in any fluids. Also, it can be painful to force food or fluids into someone near the end of life. Their body/organs are shutting down and don't need the nutrition and fluids. The food and liquids kind of end up just sitting there since they can't be absorbed or are absorbed very slowly. Not a comfortable feeling. In our hospice program we encourage caregivers to offer food and fluids to their loved one as long as they can safely swallow and/or indicate they want it. They might not be able to verbally say they want it, but may open their mouth when food is near (although that can be kind of a natural reflex.) Regardless, we keep their lips and mouth moistened with some little sponges on the end of a stick that are dipped in water. I've seen a patient go 3 weeks with no food or fluids, but she had IVs at the hospital prior to admission on hospice. The human spirit is pretty amazing!
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Before our culture developed to be one where the health care system intervened in nearly every natural process, everyone understood death and most people had seen it firsthand and up close. Not eating or drinking is normal at the end of life.
As for NH employees who would sneak antibiotics into a dying patient, that's shocking! To me, that's a little like throwing water in the face of someone who's being tortured to revive them enough to experience it longer.
Death can be peaceful and painless if you let nature and God take over.
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I just went through the Advance Health Care Directive questionnaire with my Uncle. He chose all the minimal options and in short, he prefers to die a natural death. I had to explain all the scenarios to him in detail in order for him to understand his choices. That in itself was a painful and emotional experience for us both, but I tearfully thanked him for making his decisions while he still had the brains to make informed decisions for himself. God bless him, he made my future job so much easier, because it would have been torture for me if I had to deal with it with no direction from him. I appreciated him going through that difficult exercise, because he had been avoiding such discussions for a long while, stubbornly thinking he would be able to take care of himself until the day he died! Interestingly, he had planned for his funeral expenses years ago by taking out life ins policy to pay for that. I finally made him understand that the AHCD document was an additional way of planning for things he would not be able to take care of himself if/when he ever became too sick to make his own decisions. Now, reading all the posts on the subject of hospice care, actually not receiving fluids or nourishment seems shocking, but hearing the actual case scenarios brings the reality of this issue into sharp focus. I can see it will not be as easy to accept later on if/when I have to deal with it for my Uncle, but that is the whole purpose of his making those decisions himself in advance of his demise. Bless everyone for their strength in carrying out the wishes of their loved ones.
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My 83 yo grandmother lasted a bit longer than 3 weeks. While trying to make the awful decision, the NH said it would only be two weeks. She went fairly quickly once my mom caught and stopped them giving her liquid antibiotics. God bless you.
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