My Mom, (87 years old), is in the end stage of vascular dementia. She is in a nursing home who have been looking after her really well for about 2 years now. She has diabetes and has been having a lot of UTIs for a while, which mess with her blood sugars.
Last week she finished her third lot of antibiotics for the latest (resistant) infection and she is now refusing to eat or drink.
She has gone 6 days without eating and is barely having sips of fluids despite the staff trying their hardest to encourage her. The nurses are concerned about her going into a diabetic coma which will mean she will have to go to hospital which no one wants. They believe she wants to die and I agree with them...
My question is how long can she drag on like this?
Has anyone else here been through this?
If so can you let me know what happened or what to expect next please?
Thank you
Viv
Are you able to discuss with your mother's doctor what the options are?
Does your mother have any lucid periods when she might be able to express her wishes, or at least give some indication of what help she wants?
I'm very sorry you're facing this.
They gave me a booklet called Gone From My Sight. It's a short explanation of things to look for as your LO nears the end. I'd ask for that and for their support.
Is she sleeping a lot?
We have been warned before that she is in the final end stage but she rallied round. She has never ever been this bad before, so, even though she doesn't get many lucid moments, I think she's had enough now.
This afternoon the nurse told me that she is still refusing everything they try to tempt her with and that she is quickly becoming more frail.
Time will tell I suppose.
Thank you all for answering me
xx
Unfortunately, the process is different for everyone. I have seen people live long past what would be expected in the some what same condition, I also seen people with less health issue, but others up there in years and stop eatting and drinking go pretty fast.
Like Cwillie stated " it depends on her condition before she decided to stop eatting".
I know this isn't very helpful. I would tell her that "I love you, and you were a good mom, and you can go, it will be ok".
I have found that some people need permission or need to know that their LO will be ok for them to leave this world.
Just my thought.
I am truly sorry that you are going through this.
May God be with you and your mom.
She has had the odd spoon of food and is accepting water here and there - not enough to make much of a difference but she’s still hanging on.
It’s so horrible to watch. I’m in bits when I’m not with her but can hold it together in front of her so far.
I’m hoping the end comes soon for her as she’s been quite distressed, although she seemed more settled yesterday.
Please do not have them hospitalize your Mom.
Please do not do a feeding tube.
And I would also discourage IV fluids. Her body probably can not process fluids at this time and it would cause more problems.
Just hold your Mom's hand, tell her you love her and that you will be alright and give her permission to go.....
she has had the odd tiny spoon of food every couple of days and a few sips of water. Not enough.
She’s such a tough old lady and she’s still hanging on. The home are marvellous and are keeping her comfortable but I’m hoping the end will come soon.
I too am involved in a similar situation with my wife who had vascular dementia for two years, and now Alzheimer's for the past eight years. She is still at home with me, but we have a "Hospice at Home" service who are extremely helpful. I suggest, as have others, that you should seek advice from the hospice and make sure that the care home and its health personnel are aware of that advice. In the UK (and perhaps elsewhere) you need to push back at times against well-meaning but unhelpful advice. You know best; and you know your mother best; and you need to make that clear at times to others. Even if your mother does not go to the hospice they may be able to stop others interfering and to guide your mother to a peaceful experience of dying with dignity.
As others have said, each person is unique; and you do not know how long your mother will live. You might find that the hospice can help you to get National Health Service (NHS) Continuing Health Care, which means that the NHS pays all caring costs of the care home.
With my prayers for both you and your mother and your family at this difficult time.
We called Hospice in about 4 days before she passed. She was in a nursing home. I lived out-of-town when I got there I asked the hospice nurse if we could take her home to die. The next day the ambulance transferred her to her home about 3:40 pm. & by 7:40 pm she had passed away. Of course, they had loaded her with pain meds & xanax before she left the nursing home. She was already in a semi-coma when I arrived. By the time they took her from the nursing home she was in a coma. They provided liquid morphine & xanax. She was struggling to breath, the hospice nurse said we could give her the morphine to try to help her breathing. It didn't work. I played Elvis Presley's gospel song Take My Hand, Precious Lord. As soon as she heard it playing her breathing slowed & she just slipped away. It was truly amazing to see her pass so peaceful. I played the song later & saw the song lasted 3 minutes & a few seconds.
I urge you to bring Hospice in the sooner the better. They are wonderful support not only for the patient but for the family. We used them for my Mother too. We were able to keep her in our home until such time as she passed.
Mom is now having small sips of water and the odd small spoon of food - not enough to keep a mouse - alive but she’s still hanging on. I think this is going to drag on for a lot longer now.
It’s so horrible.
My mom just recently passed away from Dementia. She couldn't swallow anymore and she had already said she didn't want needles and machines and things at the end of her life so I couldn't do feeding tubes or intravenous nutrition. she lasted two weeks in a hospice with no food and just mouth swabs and a little oxygen because I didn't want her to struggle to breathe. They kept her pain free an comfortable but it was extremely sad to watch her wither away like that. I wish you and your family all the best.
mom has refused all food again for two days now, after having a couple of tiny spoons of yogurt on Saturday. she is having sips of liquid now and then (80mls today up to 7pm) she was drowsy but calm tonight.
I really cant see how she’s still hanging on.
the nurses will let me know if she deteriorates so I’m going to try to get some sleep now Goodnight x
Mom is now on ‘end of life care’. She was pretty well unconscious and peaceful when I left last night and although the home will call me if anything changes, I just can’t sleep - it’s 4am here now and I’ve just had a good cry.
The nurses are keeping her comfortable and and they have morphine and a tranquilliser standing by in case she becomes agitated. They think a day or two now at the most . . .