For 3 years my father has POA for his 99 yr old mother (seemingly competent-just deaf and old) who is living in an assisted living facility. My father is seriously ill, has months to live, has end stage liver disease. He went into the hospital, then rehab, then LTC, back to hospital. He has given up taking care of his own financial affairs; I am his POA. I pay his bills now and have since he went into the hospital. He can't go home as he needs round the clock care.
The POA he has for his mother has no secondary POA-I've checked. I informed grandma's only other child-my uncle- of the situation. He has done very little for his mother over the years. My father first lived with grandma and my grandfather died, took her to appointments, cooked and shopped, hired people to clean and do her hair and bathing for 3 years before he got POA. Eventually, she went to a nursing home and then ALF and set up my dad as POA. Now he's dying and her bills are going unpaid.
Uncle wanted to get POA at first. He sent the form to her (he lives out of state) and the ALF notary was present. Grandma didn't sign it because she couldn't compare it to the current POA and she wants to sign only if it's the same in substance. Uncle got frustrated, seems to have backed off on POA . His attorney announced that he was going to petition for guardianship but he seems to have dropped that too and likely would not have been successful since grandma is sharp for 99.
As you might expect, my uncle and my father hate each other. My uncle was suspicious of my father's handling of grandma's finances because he couldn't oversee and says the way my dad did the accounting (hand done, not on computer) was too confusing. In a nutshell, my uncle is obsessed with keep tabs on all of my grandmother's money and how my dad managed it and doesn't seem very concerned about what will happen once my dad passes away from his disease and noone is in place to carry on for grandma.
I have been trying to help my father set something up to help keep grandma's bills paid but we haven't gotten much advice we can act on. It comes down to if grandma is competent (we think yes) and she has to decide who next POA is. I'm thinking of sending a packet of information to her since calling and even visiting (remote visit, talking on a phone) doesn't work due to her deafness. I will explain how dad can't continue and it is her choice to decide POA. I can provide a copy of the current POA again, give her the attorney's contact info that prepared the POA, make sure she has my phone number and her other son's number (she forgets numbers). This was recommended by someone here on this forum and I like this idea of sending the information packet.
I can't keep spending 6-8 hrs a day calling elder law attorneys, office for the aging, etc trying to solve this problem that I have no authority over when my father is dying and I have to help him. I actually CAN help him since I have POA for him. My grandmother can choose me as POA, if she wants and I'll probably accept but I want her to make the decision since my uncle doesn't trust me, either. I'm my father's daughter, after all.
If my father dies, there is no POA. No one except my grandmother would have authorization to access her accounts. She has funds in multiple places that sometimes need to be moved into checking accounts to pay her bills.
What will happen to my grandmother? Will the social worker at her ALF talk to the state about who should get guardianship? I think it's weak that my uncle has seemingly walked away. He wrote the ALF and cc'd me, saying that since ALF says grandma is competent and my father is lucid, my father should find a way to figure it out. He also wrote me to say that because my father didn't hire an accountant to keep financial records it's too complicated for him to understand.
I hate to say I'm ready to walk away from this because I love my grandmother but I do feel that way. I feel like my uncle should step up.
You have your hands full and your Dad, very sadly, is out of the picture; so yes, you have it about right - this will be for your competent grandmother to sort out with support from the appropriately qualified people at her ALF. That's okay. They should make sure that everything is explained to her properly and carried out with her agreement, so in a way maybe it's for the best that your uncle has counted himself out - it avoids painful disputes now or later. There are always ways and means, it's just a bit more expensive to pay a professional rather than appoint a family member.
I doubt your uncle would do a good job if his heart is not in it. Are there potentially assets to protect? I think it might be possible to revisit an elder care attorney whom you trust. It is possible that this attorney could become POA for your grandmother. This would avoid the quardianship issue which will eat into funds. I am not saying cut the uncle out. Just distribute evenly. It will take longer once she passes but may be the best option. Assets and properties would be sold by the lawyer and ideally they would take a percentage. This is what is happening to a late friend of my mother's. She had no family assigned but she had a law firm overseeing the distribution of assets. In this case it is taking longer as she had many beneficiaries,an apartment full of antiques and the apartment in NYC itself to be sold. My mother is one of the beneficiaries. I am dealing with the lawyer now with my POA sent to them as this is too confusing for my mother. This woman died in 2018 and it is not finished yet although the apartment was sold in late 2020 which took years to clear. Just my thoughts.
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