My grandmother has been in a nursing home for about 7 months. She has Alzheimer's, but not to the point where she doesn't recognize you or can't have a conversation with you. Every time we visit she asks why she's there and if she can go home. She used to live in a duplex with my family on one side. Her side is currently a mess as we try to clean and get rid of her belongings. Is it a bad idea to bring her home to my family's side of the house for Thanksgiving? I'm concerned she will be confused and want to go to her side of the house and this could cause trauma if we bring her back to the nursing home. My brother suggested that we simply tell her that her side of the house is being fumigated and she can't go there. I would love to spend Thanksgiving with my grandmother, but I just want what's best for her. Thank you in advance for any advice.
Ask the NH what sort of celebration they're planning to put on - they're bound to be doing *something* special - and whether you can participate.
The Nursing Home had their own celebration for their residents and their families a week before Thanksgiving. There was much fellowship and even a harpist. Of course Mom didn’ t enjoy their efforts either. She remarked to the Recreation Director that the food wasn’t very good and the music was too loud (Neither was true) I wanted to crawl under a table.
You know her best, but I would not bring her out if she’s easily confused. Remember, you’ll have to bring her back to the facility at some point too.
Not once did I bring Dad back to my house after my Mom had passed away. I would fear that Dad would feel lost without seeing Mom sitting in her seat at the dinner table, or on the sofa watching TV. And not once did my Dad ask to visit my home. I didn't want to disrupt his routine.
Dad had sold his house, so I didn't want to confuse him as to get to my house, we would need to drive past the house my Mom and him shared.
Please note when an elder who has memory issues says they want to "go home", usually the home they are referring to his their childhood home, not their previous residence.
My problem is that I am alone and have no family support.. so it would be me taking both of them.. and praying all day they don't get really confused or refuse to go back.. or some total disaster. It just isn't worth it to me.
I miss having Thanksgivings with them and I know it won't be the same this year but I am planning to make the best of it and take them a Thanksgiving dinner to enjoy at the facility.
I'm guessing Christmas will be the same as well. I am really struggling with holidays and have been for the last couple of years. The last couple of years has been just me and my parents.. so I am alone as well over the holidays and will miss them being here. If it weren't for my parents, I would prefer to just go away and forget the holidays all together.
Have you ever taken your grandmother out of the facility? I might explore how that has gone. Some time ago, I took my LO out for an appointment, (the facility's transport was unavailable) and while she seemed fine, when we returned, she had no idea where we were. She got scared and asked why I had taken her there. I had trouble convincing her to get out of the car. I got her into her wheelchair and inside, but, she was disoriented and anxious. It took a while to get her reoriented. I had to re-introduce her to the staff and other residents, show her her room, that her things were there. It was not a good experience.
Years later, I took her out on the patio to enjoy the nice weather. When we returned to the MC unit, she was confused. I had to help orient her again. So, I'd just be aware of might happen and see if you could take the party to her. Even if it's just for a half hour. I have found that the people that I know with dementia don't tolerate long visits, noise and lots of commotion.
Perhaps a quiet visit and a 1:1 dinner in the place where she is comfortable may be more beneficial for her.
I suppose it would depend on how far the AZ has progressed and if the person is prone to becoming agitated.
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